Breaking Away
My dad was a very tough guy but he could have his sweet moments. I remember one dark night when I was around eight years old trying to fall asleep. My sister was playing loud music in her room. My eyes fluttered awake in frustration because I couldn’t fall asleep. I heard my dad's footsteps come up the stairs to tell my sister to be quiet. He came in and checked on me and started to rub my head. He started to hum, his voice was always so soothing. He stayed there for quite awhile. I remember his smell; it was a hint of aftershave mixed with a hint of the barn. He always smelled like home.
He wasn’t my biological dad but I never felt disconnected from him because of that. He was always funny, always made me laugh. As a kid, my dad and I were very close. I remember going with him to work everyday. I loved the fresh air in the morning waking me up. He taught me how to milk and I loved every second of it. I felt important and I felt as if I was helping him. I always yearned for his approval.
I always thought things would stay the same. I never thought my life would be the way it is now.
My father grew very distant. Most of my family did. I was the last child in my family, I almost think my parents started to get tired of parenting. My dad and I stopped communicating like we used to. The connection we had diminished. We never spoke and he wasn’t interested in anything I did. I always tried to get the connection we once had but I couldn’t. My dad changed into someone I didn’t recognize, a stranger living in my house. My house had grown so quiet, I started to feel alone. I missed my dad and wanted him back
My parents got divorced when I was fifteen. I wasn’t saddened by the divorce, I was glad because it mean’t the fighting stopped.My family had fell apart a long time ago; it was just offical now. I was more upset because I saw sides of my parents that I never wanted to see. The divorce broke my mom for awhile, I understood, I stood by her side no matter what she went through. My dad on the other hand, changed completely. I was moved out of the only home I knew. Of course my dad wasn’t legally my dad but blood never meant anything to us, it never made me feel less of his child. My dad was someone different now, someone who didn’t want any connection to me. He wanted nothing to do with me. He abandoned me. It crushed me for awhile, the feeling of being unwanted was something I never thought I would have to feel.
Even though all of this happened, I always stuck to the belief that everything happens for a reason. I have those days where I want to go back, those moments where I want to be the person I used to be, but I can’t. I am proud of who I am, I realized that it had nothing to do with me. My relationship with my mom wouldn’t be the same. I came out so much stronger than I ever thought, I was able to overcome this and I can overcome anything. I had to accept the things that were happening in my life and I had to move on. Everyday I miss the humming of my dad and the way he smelled when he came home from the barn. Things are different now and that’s okay. Things will never go back but I wouldn’t be the person I am today if none of it had happened.I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today.