Stuttering
Small victories are what I go for. Successfully ordering food at a resturaunt. Talking on the phone without panicking first. Even saying my name fluently while introducing myself. These occurrences may seem minute to most; however, for me they come as mighty accomplishments. I’ve had a stuttering problem for as long as I can remember. In fact I cannot recall a specific time or a single day being impediment free. Every night before I go to bed I unconsciously predict what the rest of my life will be like with this problem that I have. And each morning as I lie in bed I think about all the challenges I will face today. Will I have to read aloud? What if get called on to answer a question in class? But most importantly and more recently, I have been thinking about how I can use my speech impediment to change someone's life.
I like to think of myself as unique, which is true in a sense, being one of the few stutterers there are in the entire world. One percent to be exact. Although a small number, we are all largely connected. What one of us feels, there is another with the same struggle. Comforting in a way, however crippling at the same time. Until just a year ago, I had never met another person who stutters. When I did, it was one of the most rejuvenating feelings I have ever felt. Knowing that I was not alone. That there was someone else like me. I joined a stuttering support group where a small group of stutterers from the area would come together to simply exchange stories and tell each other about their latest accomplishments or failures. No speech therapy and no stress. Just a room of imperfect people trying to make sense of a difficult world around us. The first fellow stutterer I met was Ben Manning. I could not have thought of a better guy to meet than Ben. Ben is a college student at the University of Vermont studying to be a speech language pathologist, to help people like us. Just meeting another person with the same abnormality as me was renewing. But on top of that he was one of the coolest people I had ever met. He was an athlete just like me, and you could tell he was extremely smart. His courage and openness were inspiring.
His attitude about his stuttering was the thing that perplexed me the most. The way he acted about his speech made it almost like he didn't even have an impediment at all. Although his fluency was clearly hindered, I never saw him become upset or show that he was having a hard time with his speech. In one group session there wasn’t a single word that came out of his mouth smoothly, but he just kept talking and stuttering. He just didn’t care. He wasn’t thinking ahead to all the challenges that he would be presented with throughout his life. Don't get me wrong, I’m sure he had crippling anxiety and possibly some depression as many of us stutterers do, but he was focusing on living his life. Not as a “stutterer,” but as Ben Manning.
Ever since meeting Ben I have been trying to look at my life completely differently. Before, if I had a rough day with my speech I would get depressed and start feeling sorry for myself. What Ben showed me was that depression and sadness wasn't a way to live your life, but that I should just laugh at myself and move on because there's nothing anyone can do about it. Life goes on. His words and attitude changed my life for the better and I hope someday I can be that person for someone. Someone who inspires others to live happily with whatever hand they were dealt.